Superman

I know that everybody has a bit on Superman: Seinfeld was obsessed with him, Tarantino has the bit at the end of Kill Bill 2 (which is brilliant - the bit, not the movie - the movie was just ok), and every other hack comic that has ever been on stage had some shtick with Superman (usually some lame and obvious observation about telephone booths being made of glass or something).

All that being said, I'm still going to write a bit about Superman. I never read comic books all that much - I guess I had a few as a kid, but I never collected or obsessed over them (like I did with baseball cards). But for some reason I have always loved superheros, especially Superman. The cartoons were always the best, but I'll watch any live action superhero movie that comes out, no matter how awful, and enjoy them (the lone exception off the top of my head: the Spiderman movies - I loved Spiderman cartoons and comics, but the first movie was so cheesy and terrible that I haven't even tried the others).

So anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Superman. I loved the Superman movies with Christopher Reeves when I was a kid, although I suspect that Superman 3 was a giant turd (all I really remember was something about Richard Pryor making kyrptonite with tar in it because he read the ingredients off of a cigarette package). So when the most recent Superman came out (Superman Returns) I was excited. And it was great, filled with logical fallacies, but fuck it - it's Superman!

But here's my bit with Superman: why does he have a thing for Lois Lane? She's good looking (especially the new one), but he gets to see first hand that she is a total bitch. She is basically self-centered and constantly rude to Clark and Jimmy Olson. For someone that is all about truth, justice and the American way and is humble as apple pie, I would think that a self-aggrandizing headline grabber like Lois Lane would be a big turn off. Then in the new movie she has moved on to be with Richard, the nephew of her boss (how convenient for her career). She has also won a Pulitzer for a bitchy article about the world not needing Superman, just because he took off for a while. It's like an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend posting horrible pictures of you on the internet - except in a respected publication. Anyway, she was pissed that Superman left, but now he's back and she's clearly conflicted about whether to jump him almost immediately.

Now, Superman is Superman and he can probably get any piece of ass that he wants, so why would he stay obsessed with Lois Lane? She's got tons of baggage with Richard, her job, her attitude, etc., not to mention her penchant for turning into the psycho ex-girlfriend at the drop of a hat. I don't get it.

Also, come on, no one noticed that Clark Kent is absent the whole time Superman is in the hospital? I mean, Jesus, telephone booths are made of glass!