“I don’t care, the name’s gotta go.”
Jike slowly moved toward the soft drinks, stealing frequent glances at Clarence.
“But Clarence, it’s been Melville for over 60 years. What’re we gonna call the place?”
Jike took one more quick look as he ducked down, opened the glass door and grabbed a Refresher. He cracked it open and took a drink in one swift movement.
“Don’t care, just not Melville.”
“Just what in the hell is so bad about it?”
Jike smiled and moved to join the polemics at the counter.
“One, Melville never set foot in the town couldn’t give two craps about us…”
“Clarence, you are conscious of the fact that this municipality was incorporated a mere fifty-one years after the novelist’s death are you not?” asked Jike.
“Shut up boy! Where’d you get that Refresher?”
“I simply glaumed it from the infrigidator. You may subtract it from my wages.”
“Goddamnit! Put it back. You’ve eaten your last three checks and you owe me $43.60 more! Why do you have to talk like such an idiot? And yes, Goddamnit, I know that they named the stupid town after Melville was dead, but I meant that he wasn’t from here and never wrote about the area or nothin’ like that.”
Jike calmly stared at his employer. “If it weren’t a sin, I would wager that you have not even so much as skimmed the pages of Moby Dick, much less his poetry, short stories or letters. How can you possibly know that Melville did not have a special place in his heart for Wisconsin? Speaking of sin, I find it somewhat perturbing that I shall not see you again after this life is ended due to the fact that your flesh will be burning and you will be enduring the torment of wicked beasts for all eternity as a permanent tenant of Hades. You took the Lord’s name in vain twice in the course of one ignorant rant. And speaking of speaking, I find it especially ironic that you would refer to my vernacular as ‘stupid’ when the very phenomenon responsible your anger is your fear. The circumstance that is instigating your fear is your ignorance. As people like you often confound ignorance with stupidity, you remarking that I, ‘talk stupid’ is the very epitome of ignorance as well as stupidity itself. Oh, the irony is gummous.”
The third man piped up, “He’s a retard, but he’s got a point. Have you read every goddamned letter that Melville ever sent? Do you know of every goddamned train he ever got on? How do you know that Melville didn’t love the goddamned place?”
“Everybody shut up! Do you know what a person from Melville is called? A Melvillian. It’s got the goddamned word ‘villain’ right in it. We’re a town full of villains that happily accept everybody else’s shit…literally! That’s it. I ain’t gonna debate it no more. The name’s gotta go. And you, fat boy, put the Refresher back and get to work, goddamnit.” Clarence yelled.
“I’ve already consumed nearly half of this callibogus. How could I possibly put it back now?”
“It’s not a goddamned ‘callibogus’. It’s a goddamned soda and you better find $45 or find another job, you fat little turd.”
“You may subtract it from my wages.”
“Shut up. We’re gonna go and get a coffee.”
“There’s coffee right here Clarence,” said Jike, motioning to the counter.
“We’re gonna go get a coffee that hasn’t been there all goddamned day, and isn’t setting next to you.”
“Again, you realize that you’re going to Hell?”
Clarence rolled his eyes as he motioned violently with his head for his friend to follow him across the street. The two men strolled off quickly, leaving Jike to languish behind the register."
If you'd like to read the other 90,000 words, please send annual payments of $72,000 to my attention.
4 comments:
Would you let me read the rest if I send you $0.72 and hope that 99,999 other people do the same?
Good question, BW! I would like to read the rest!
Welllllllll...if you'd e-mail like I told you to, I could set up some payment options.
Somebody post something for fuck's sake!!
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