To quote Mark Oliver Everett, “I hate a lot of things, but I love a few things. And you are one of them.”
I am pretty sure that every industry has at least one product per generation that is the result of a dare. You know, something like:
“Hey fellow high-fashion eyewear industry executive?”
“Yeah Dawg?”
“I bet you can’t get women in
“You’re on, bitch!”
Man, do I hate those sunglasses that women are wearing nowadays. Ladies – no matter how attractive you happen to be, when you’re wearing these $138 sunglasses every heterosexual man within a 30 mile radius and I are thinking about this man. Please believe me, you are not doing yourself any favors.
There have to be a million examples of dare-related fads. Here are a few more of my guesses:
If you’re really, really hot and you just want to go to the mall without desperate erection-plagued men showering you with gifts and marriage proposals every step of the way, you should wear one of these. It’s absolutely guaranteed to drive away all but the most perverted among sexual sociopaths…the guy who makes lewd suggestions to pregnant chicks. That’s right – you can feel free to trollop from one mini-station of capitalism to another disguised as a woman who is seven months pregnant…and has terrible taste in clothes. Now there’s nothing wrong with pregnancy. I’ve witnessed the glow of pregnancy emitting from more than one female in my day. Pregnant women can be attractive. They can also be successful and athletic. However, I have never heard a woman say, “Oh God, I just wish I looked like I did when I was pregnant!” Except of course when they verbalized the equivalent of this expression, “I love this fucking baby doll top!” at the mall the other day.
...so I got about that far in the first draft of a column for the West Virginia Surf Report when I stopped to take a break and read this. Stupid Maddox. What really, really sucks is that his was funnier.
4 comments:
M'kay, it was funny. Really, really funny. And I wear a lot of that stuff!!!
Love the site. You owe me an e-mail. Or g-mail.
Welcome back. You have been missed. I do wear Crocs and they are comfortable and I am old enough that I don't care what anyone thinks of it....LOL
Maddox is funny, but you could have written that too.
I'm glad you went with Harry Caray because I was thinking about Bono until I clicked the link!
Why would any heterosexual male think of Bono?
Post a Comment