We Still Need to Work Harder

This still isn't enough for any of us to retire:

My blog is worth $564.54.
How much is your blog worth?

Mankind Sucks at Evolution

Why are there still people that are nearsighted or farsighted? The fact that bad vision still exists leads me to two possible conclusions:

1. Evolution is a bunch of bullshit and mankind must have been created by an all-powerful being who just didn't care that much about everyone being able to see all that well; or

2. Mankind fucked up the natural progression of evolution.

I am kinda leaning towards #2 - partly because it dovetails nicely with my long-held theory that mankind, in an effort to fix a problem that it faces, will someday accidentally destroy all life on this planet.

If evolution was allowed to run its natural course, the hereditary trait of impaired vision should have been bred out of the species centuries ago. What cavewoman would want to fuck a caveman that couldn't see well enough to bring back a brontasaurus burger? But no, somewhere along the way human emotion got involved and thwarted the natural order of evolution.

What I'm really trying to say here is that the pity fuck has changed the course of mankind. The caveman can't see well enough to bash a woman over the head with his club and then fuck her, but the cavewoman ends up feeling sorry for him and lets him drag her away by the hair anyway. This has been repeated throughout history and is probably the reason for all of the remaining flaws that exist in mankind.

Lemonade

Arm stretched to the sky
About to take flight
A bumblebee smile
Takes me the last mile
Nobody knows
How far this can go
The countdown days
Seemed longer than count up

Like lemonade she seems to me
Like diamond ring the shine she brings
Like anything she wants to be
Like lemonade I can't believe

If someone told me
I would not have believed
The broken feelings
Time had splintered
Are pieced together
In a moment
Arm stretched to the sky
About to take flight

Like lemonade she seems to me
Like diamond rings the shine she brings
Like anything she wants to be
Like lemonade I can't believe
I'll give her anything she needs

The Beautiful Things

Cold as a handshake
Waiting for the storm to break
Nothing's as sad as
Nothing left to do

Empty as the sound
Hollow hits the ground
We all find different
Things to hold on to

The Beautiful Things
That you always wanted
You wonder why you wanted them right now
The Beautiful Things
That you can't leave behind
Some would say you've saved yourself somehow

Help me Jeebus

After this week, I am too tired to make cartoons. When one is too tired to make cartoons, one needs to examine one's life.

I wrote more, but then I erased it. If there's a God, he's laughing at us...and our football team.

I'm gonna go make cartoons now.

Hope I make it to Normal, IL soon.

A Short Story

Once upon a time there was a man named Melvin. He was a simple man, with simple desires. All he really wanted out of life was to sit in front of his modest t.v. in his modest home and watch a bunch of immodest baseball players play their game.

Unfortunately, like many people, Melvin did not realize what he wanted out of life until he had completely fucked up his chance to sit and watch baseball and do very little of anything else. Instead, Melvin had handed over his simple desires for much more complex dreams. They weren't necessarily his dreams, but he was made to think that they were. How is a teenager supposed to understand what he truly wants in life before he's had a chance to experience it. That's a pretty heavy concept and its a sad fact of life that many people commit themselves to a life's work before they understand what they are and who they want.

Melvin was such a person. So he agreed, as a young man, to take over his family business and all of the responsibilities that came with it. He agreed to get married and buy a house with a mortgage because that's what his father had done and that is what he believed he was supposed to do.

Then, at 45 years old, Melvin realized that he spent his days selling home improvements and his nights worrying about paying off a mortgage and providing for a family. As he thought about this, he realized further that he had no personal identity at all. His profession and his family life was modeled after his father's - and he barely knew his father.

Melvin couldn't sleep that night because of these thoughts. He decided that he had lived someone else's life for long enough and that he would wake up and find himself the very next day.

The next morning, Melvin woke up invigorated and prepared to begin his new life. His wife rolled over and smiled at him and said "Don't forget that the payment is due on minivan by the end of the week."

Melvin smiled back at her and got up and went to work.

This Blog is Not Dead

I am going to start writing posts periodically, I swear. Speaking of swearing, here is a list of my favorite swear combinations (most often used while playing video games, but they are now in retirement since I have a small child around me at home):

Shit-fucker
Jesus Tits
Fucking fuck
Cock smoker
Mothershit
Cock and balls
Ass licker
Son of a Whore
You Piece of Cock
God Fucking Fuck It
What the Cock
Lick the sweat off my balls you shit eating, mother-fisting, cock gobbling, anal snorting, cum drizzler.