Help me Jeebus

After this week, I am too tired to make cartoons. When one is too tired to make cartoons, one needs to examine one's life.

I wrote more, but then I erased it. If there's a God, he's laughing at us...and our football team.

I'm gonna go make cartoons now.

Hope I make it to Normal, IL soon.

A Short Story

Once upon a time there was a man named Melvin. He was a simple man, with simple desires. All he really wanted out of life was to sit in front of his modest t.v. in his modest home and watch a bunch of immodest baseball players play their game.

Unfortunately, like many people, Melvin did not realize what he wanted out of life until he had completely fucked up his chance to sit and watch baseball and do very little of anything else. Instead, Melvin had handed over his simple desires for much more complex dreams. They weren't necessarily his dreams, but he was made to think that they were. How is a teenager supposed to understand what he truly wants in life before he's had a chance to experience it. That's a pretty heavy concept and its a sad fact of life that many people commit themselves to a life's work before they understand what they are and who they want.

Melvin was such a person. So he agreed, as a young man, to take over his family business and all of the responsibilities that came with it. He agreed to get married and buy a house with a mortgage because that's what his father had done and that is what he believed he was supposed to do.

Then, at 45 years old, Melvin realized that he spent his days selling home improvements and his nights worrying about paying off a mortgage and providing for a family. As he thought about this, he realized further that he had no personal identity at all. His profession and his family life was modeled after his father's - and he barely knew his father.

Melvin couldn't sleep that night because of these thoughts. He decided that he had lived someone else's life for long enough and that he would wake up and find himself the very next day.

The next morning, Melvin woke up invigorated and prepared to begin his new life. His wife rolled over and smiled at him and said "Don't forget that the payment is due on minivan by the end of the week."

Melvin smiled back at her and got up and went to work.

This Blog is Not Dead

I am going to start writing posts periodically, I swear. Speaking of swearing, here is a list of my favorite swear combinations (most often used while playing video games, but they are now in retirement since I have a small child around me at home):

Shit-fucker
Jesus Tits
Fucking fuck
Cock smoker
Mothershit
Cock and balls
Ass licker
Son of a Whore
You Piece of Cock
God Fucking Fuck It
What the Cock
Lick the sweat off my balls you shit eating, mother-fisting, cock gobbling, anal snorting, cum drizzler.

Won't Let it die...also MC Chris kicks much ass

Best Music of 2008

So I've been trying to get the big writing assignment done and the only way that I can work is to put on headphones and blast music to drown out the essential growth and development of my children. Jesus, it's every day with them...anyway, I have found a few sources for free music on the internet that usually get me through a few hours. free.napster.com works, but you have to keep clearing your cookies every 25 songs in order to steal from them. pandora.com is a steady stream of noise but I don't think that even one of their recommendations has made me want to go out and purchase music. Finally, I found somebody's list of the 50 best albums of 2008. Mostly it just made me feel like a crotchety old man (You've got rheumatoid arthritis!)because all of the music sucks and none of it sounds like the Eels or Cake or old Weezer. Eventually I found a couple of new bands that I think I'll like. I really liked Vampire Weekend after a couple of listens http://hypem.com/zeitgeist/2008/albums/5 . And I was really surprised at how fond of Girl Talk http://hypem.com/zeitgeist/2008/albums/4 I was. He's basically the king of mashers and absolutely everything on the album is a sample. He's got a ton of rappers from my awkward teenage years (Look at me, I'm white and middle class in Iowa - this music really speaks to me!) and it was nostalgic and fonky at the same time. Anyway, just felt like sharing.

Submitted without comment

Okay, I admit it...I'm the Idiot

Okay so I dropped my really fancy phone and it shattered the LCD. Which sucks. But I had the insurance program where they charge you $7 a month for nothing as well as a $50 deductible to mail you a refurbished phone that some asshole in Chicago dropped two weeks earlier. Which is a ripoff but still much cooler than not having/not being able to afford a new phone. So I go to one of their many retail outlets to exchange the phone. Which is convenient and cool. Then they tell me I have to mail it to Tennessee and wait for them to mail me one back. Which sucks. Then the phone arrives sooner then expected, which is cool. Plus, I had all of my contacts and shit backed up on the internet, which is also cool. Then it took me forever to activate the new phone. Which sucked. Once I finally got the new phone activated, it immediately synced the address book of the new phone (which was empty)over the backed up contacts I had on the internet. Which really, really, really sucked. But it came with a free frogurt, which was cool. But the frogurt was also cursed, which sucked. Okay, I'm going to go now but if you want me to know your phone number, you're gonna have to send me a text or something because I lost it. Which, for the record, sucked.